sorry for the temporary disappearance, my dear friends. 
i have been procrastinating much , especially with a pending deadline for my master thesis. I just cant seem to get my butt moving on the thesis, coupled with frequent spells of extreme fatigue.
Recently, i have been reflecting much. I think somewhat, i have been a very lucky person. First to start off, i am blessed that i was able to move my studies over to another country. It is not something that every family can afford to send their children overseas. Expenses overseas, especially in europe can be scaringly high. Even i get abit insensitive to prices after living here for a while ( for example, sometimes when i see a 2 euros sweets, i will still happily buy it. But if it is priced in sgd, it is a scary 4 SGD for a pack of sweets ). Even macdonald meal cost around 6 euros to eat…. which is about 12 sgd? and thus, i have since stopped trying to convert euros in sgd because it is just impossible to make me happier if i know the exact ‘loss’ that i will be incurring for every product i buy.
i am thankful that i have a very very very supportive boyfriend who has supported me in many ways, including financially. Without him, i dont think i will be able to study past 4 months. He has taken care of my phone bills, my housing issues, household expenses and such. It is not that i am leeching off him but given my current circumstances, it is just impossible to depend on either myself or my parents.. with school fees amounting to 15,000k in euros( and yes, i am unable to pay with CPF lol)
my study is ending soon and i am seriously thinking how i should move on with life from now. Should i move back to singapore? Or should i go to korea to study another 3 months of the language since it is a place that has given me tremendously wonderful memories? Or should i work towards to becoming a stewardess to explore more parts of the world? My mind is still unready to settle for a 9 to 5 office job. Should william stay in europe to continue working since the pay and benefits in netherlands is great? Should i start studying dutch… or just refocus to study japanese or korean instead?
Most importantly, where should we both settle in the future? Netherlands? Singapore… ? or somewhere else? Staying in netherlands has been somewhat eventful. Despite the fact that it is a pretty still, ( hmm, boring) country and people are satisfied with the shops closing at 5 pm and going back home early….. it is this place in which i have sort of built a home with my loved one. I learnt to refine my culinary skills ( HAHAHHAH), to build furniture by myself, to take care of someone else except for myself. being in a foreign country, it is inevitable that i have to force myself to be somewhat independent. Plus, there is so much privacy living by ourselves.. no parents.. no relatives chasing us to get married. We can also quarrel one day and make up the next day since we live under the same roof without others interfering. Honestly, i am very happy here. Also, i managed to experience other cultures ( friendly whites, rude dutchies, smoking drugs is so ok here that i smell it in the lift of the subway everyday, THE SUN IS WONDERFUL….. ) and other countries in europe.
Despite all that, somewhat, i still miss the capitalistic, modern, very singlish singapore. This is especially so for the food, the variety of choices ( come on, netherlands drug stores totally sucks…no choices on their shampoos, makeup and everything EXPENSIVE ) , and singapore stores’ opening hours till 10!!!!!!!!!!! and most importantly, the fact that i am unable to just grab bubble tea whenever i like since the plaza is just besides my house… and EAT packaged and CHEAP sushi when i like ( here, i have to go for the sushi buffet if i crave for sushi… 25 euros!!!!!!! ala carte sushi is a killer!! like 3 euros for one salmon maki? ) and also, in netherlands, if i crave for anything, i have to depend on a miracle that my hands and brains know how to make it.
but i am worried, if i come back to sg, what will happen to my dear will? He has no friends in singapore, being a pure breed dutchie and it seems like a totally new environment for him since netherlands advocate relaxation and is more for old people to build their retirement flat ( ok, too exaggerating but you get the drift) ;P Singapore, on the other hand, will be stressed for my pampered william lol, especially its working environment. I wonder what he will say when he has to do pay-less OT, encounter office politics and working hours till 8 or working on weekends. That is the life of poor singaporeans, and i highly doubt he can endure it. and can people accept his americanised english and forgive him for his lack of understanding for singlish? Also, will he feel left out when people start speaking in mandarin ( my poor boy is quite bad at mandarin) and that he wont be able to join the conversation ( that is seriously what i feel now when people start conversing in dutch, especially his brothers) ?
so many doubts and choices but only one path i can take. What should we compromise on? what will it be?
a singaporean woman with so many un-achieved dreams with a relaxed dutch man, where will life take us to? sometimes, inter-country relationships are so difficult.
Joelle
♥ feifei ♥
♥ helen ♥
♥ shiying ♥
♥ sispig ♥
♥ ting ♥
WILL
